Mojo Rants and Blunders - France & More 2025

 

Hey Fabulous Followers!  Yes, we have been back for 2 weeks, but voices in my head still wants me to write this blog.  These voices and thoughts have been in my head during our trip and they want out, so here goes!

WARNING:  Some comments below are honest, true feelings and blunt.

I have a few rants about this trip.  

1. Europeans have better food, walk, take public transporation, and are mostly smaller than we Americans, but they like to smoke!  If you know me well, I abhor smoke, nicotine, tobacco, vaping, e-cigarettes.

Go to a restaurant and the first thing they give you is an ashtray.  No way Jose, take that thing away!!

But these people smoke and blow it in your face.  There were a few times, I thought about throat punching a few people. But I didn't, cause I am so sweet, but when I could I blew back in their face. So there!

2. Wash cloths.  Oh my word! While in Nice, Geneva, Brussels and Southampton - this was 10 nights!  No wash cloths!  I have indoor plumbing, so how am I supposed to "get up in there" and wash my lady bits. Yes, they had those hand held shower thingys, which I am not a big fan of, so I tried to get the water up there, you know what I mean?  But I don't know how well that works.  During these shower times, it gave a whole new meaning to a hand job.

My cousin, Marcia, said "why didn't you take some with you?"  Like I even thought of that, but making new friends on the transatlantic, there are disposable cloths you can get.  Who knew?  I guess I do now.

I was glad to get on that transatlantic cruise, so I could get a good washing in.

3. Top sheets.  Europeans don't use top sheets.  Only a fitted sheet and a duvet.  Oh my word!  I don't like duvets cause they make me hot.  Even on the French river cruise, there was no top sheet, but asked for one and those 14 days were ok.  The Nice hotel had a top sheet, so that was nice.  But Geneva and Brussels and Southampton, only a duvet.  I had half my body covered and the other half hanging out.  Hot one minute, cool the next.  Which leads me to my next rant.

4. No AC. In Geneva, Brussels and Southampton, there was no AC available.  What????? I mean, granted, it was not summer time, but those hotel rooms were hot.  It was the "heating season", so no AC is turned on.  You can open the window.  Oh my!  Thankfully, fans were provided, so I could make it.  In Southampton, we opened the window as far as it would go and our view was of a roof below us.  When I got up in the morning, I went to the window there was a seagull looking at me!  I shooed the gull and it did not move.  It had the audacity to get closer to me.  I told Joe if that bird had come into our room during the night I would have screamed bloody murder and shit a brick!!!!  

Please get me on this cruise ship, so I could have a wash cloth, a top sheet and AC.  I know.......a needy American.  I cannot help what I am used to.  No apologies.

And my razor was packed in another bag, so my armpit hair was ready for braiding.  But hey, I fit right in with the European women. So glad to get a good shave. The things you sacrifice when you don't want to open a suitcase.  The beauty of the transatlantic cruise was we completely unpacked after 27 days.

Okay, enough rants let's talk about blunders.

Blunder 1 - First night in Paris shower

I obviously need a lesson in shower etiquette.  Admittedly, Joe has to help me with showers in hotels cause I cannot see without my glasses.  So I attempt, without his help, to review the shower equipment before I get in the shower and figure out how to work everything.   I reviewed all the knobs (European showers can look like the panel on an airplane) and I thought a specific knob was to open the tub drain.  I get in the shower with no glasses and my shower cap on, pull up the knob and water pours down on top of my head.  I said, "shit, shit, shit."  Joe comes in with "what's wrong, babe, need help?"  In a whinny voice, I tell him my dilemma, so he starts helping.  He has that blame shower head thingy in his hand and when he touches THAT knob water begins spraying into my face, cause he has the shower thingy pointed at me!!! I begin to cry and whine and laugh.  Joe is laughing so hard with the blame shower thingy still pouring water into my face. He laughs with tears running down his face saying we were Ethel and Lucy in a I Love Lucy episode. I was laughing and crying so hard, I peed in the shower.

Finally, got the shower running ok and it is a step up into a tub with a half glass.  After I finished, the bathroom floor is soaked. Oh boy.

Blunder 2 - Second night in Paris shower

Repeat and floor flooded

Blunder 3 - First night in Nice hotel

Oh my, did you read my blog.  The Nice hotel was the nicest hotel ever.  Four of us could fit in the shower. Joe helps me figure out the shower equipment, I step into the shower and close the door.  When I finished, I realized the door did not close all the way and water flooded the floor, turned right out of the shower out the bathroom door and turned right again and headed to the hotel door.

Shower is on the left

Blunder 4 - Second night in Nice hotel

Repeat and floor flooded, but at least it did not leave the bathroom

Blunder 5 - First night in Brussels hotel

I flooded the floor, but in my defense the shower door did not close well.  

Blunder 6 - Second night in Brussels hotel

I let the shower water trickle down so lightly, I did not flood the floor.  But who knows how well I bathed. By this time, I am so over it.......I may quit bathing.

Blunder 7 - Chablis, France

I thought I would order the local delicacy of sausage andouilette and Joe and I would share. Oh my word!  Joe said really???  The sausage was not ground, it had its entrails in it!  All I could think about was Andrew Zimmerman from Food Network eating a goat's intestines and he could taste the crap the goat had eaten that was still in the intestine. Take a close look.  Yuck!

This was a great trip.  Yes, we were gone 40 days and ready to come home.  But we can do another long trip like this again with some modifications.

We averaged 10,000 steps a day.

Modes of transportation - plane, bus, river cruise, train, taxi, tour boat, ocean liner, feet

Now the voices in my head have gone away since I commited my thoughts on paper.  I leave you with this quote by Anita Desai, an Indian novelist:  "Wherever you go becomes a part of you somehow."

Until next time, Blessings!